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Passive Voice in Fiction: Simple Examples & Fixes
Have you ever had the experience that your writing is dull or unclear and you do not know why? The reason is that most beginner writers end up using passive voice in their writing without realising it.
And here is the short answer, Passive voice is not always bad, however, when written excessively, it makes your writing sound weak, sluggish and dull. In most cases, the active voice is better as it is clear and direct. The passive voice however is applicable in some cases like in cases where there is a need to create mystery or there is a need to concentrate on the result of an action.
Beginners tend to opt for the passive voice more because they imagine it is safer or more formal, but in storytelling, this often reduces the power of the impact of storytelling. Being aware of when not to use it and when you can use it, it will automatically make your storytelling more solid.
In brief, the active voice ought to be used as it is more vivid and the passive voice can only be used when there is a purpose.
What does it mean?
Let know by simple difference, In the Passive voice, the action is assigned to the subject i.e. the subject is the recipient of the action. The same example will be expressed as follows, “The necklace was stolen by the thief.”
In the Active voice, the action is done by the subject, i.e. the subject does the action. As an example, “The thief stole the necklace.”
See the difference?
In active voice writing, it will be clear and direct and in passive voice it is indirect and not always as clear.
Simple rule: This is the form that is used in a passive voice, subject + was/were + past participle.
An easy trick to find passive voice, try adding “by someone” at the end of the sentence. And, assuming it still makes a clear sentence, it is probably passive voice.
As an example, “The door was opened.” Add (by someone). So, “The door was opened” is a passive voice.
Active voice in fiction tends to be more powerful as the reader feel close to what’s happening in real time.
When we use passive voice, it creates a distance between the reader and the story which is known as narrative distance. It can makes scenes seem distant from the reader, yet it works well in emotional scenes which require deep thought. Passive voice is not necessarily bad. It’s just a tool. The secret is to know when to use it and know more about Common Grammar Mistakes Fiction Writers Make.
How to avoid passive voice in fiction (step by step guide to beginner writers)
To help you remember when passive voice is used in fiction, here is a step-by-step procedure that you can adhere to:
Step 1: Determine Passive Voice in your Writing.
Identify sentences that include words such as “was”, “were”, “is”, “been” and a past participle (such as taken, written, broken).
For example, “The door was opened.”
Important note: Not all sentences containing “was” are passive. Check whether the subject is doing the action.
Let’s consider another example, “She was tired” is not passive as they are not describe an action but rather a state.
Step 2: Question: Who Is the Action?
When you are unable to clearly identify the person performing the action, then the sentence is likely to be termed as passive.
Ask yourself, “Who opened the door?” If you are able to answer that, then you can fix it.
Step 2: Rewrite in Active Voice
Invert the sentence in such a way that the subject is performing the action.
For example, “Ravi opened the door.”
Now your sentence is easier and more understandable.
Step 4: Determine whether passive voice is more effective.
In some cases the passive voice can be more helpful. When passive voice is to be used, ask yourself,
- Do I want to hide who did it?
- Do I want to focus on the result instead of the action?
- Does it better fit the mood or tone of the scene?
If yes, keep it.
And don’t rewrite all the sentences in the active voice. Doing so makes your sentence awkward, unnatural or less impactful. In such cases the passive voice is better to retain.
When making a conscious decision, it works. Otherwise, it is likely to weaken the sentence.
Step 5: Read Aloud.
This is among the simplest methods to improve your writing of fiction. In case the sentence is weak or flat, rephrase it in the active voice, and in case it is strong and natural, keep your passive voice.
Pro Tip: The majority of the fiction story is the one that works best in the active voice, which is approximately 80-90%. Look at the popular fiction out there, and look what makes it strong, it heavily depends on the active voice, especially in dialogue or action scenes.
Examples/Mini Tips
To get a clear picture of what is meant by passive voice in writing fiction, we will consider with some simple examples.
Example 1: Weak vs Strong Writing
Let’s consider a passive voice sentence, “The window was smashed up in the night.”
Now the same in active voice, “The window was broken by somebody.”
Now you can feel that the active voice generates more tension, and it draws readers to it.
Example 2: Passive Voice Works.
Now see when passive voice works, “The corpse was found in the morning.”
Why this works here, as it emphasises the remains on the body, rather than on the individual who discovered it. It creates mystery
So, when you wish to introduce or provide the suspense, use passive voice.
Example 3: Emotional Tone
When it comes to emotional aspects, passive voice works better,“She was ignored.” is passive but it shows the emotion, but when it is written in active voice,
“They ignored her.” feels distant.
Note: The passive voice is either more emotional or more distant and comes in handy in some scenes.
Now, watch your passive voice usage as excessive passive voice will take the emotion out of the scene and make it seem like a distant thing.
Example (Before vs After) at the paragraph level.
Let’s see a passive heavy paragraph.
“The door was opened slowly. The room was filled with silence. The lights were turned on.”
Now let’s convert into active, “He opened the door slowly. Silence filled the room. He turned on the lights.”
How can you feel the active version is more immediate and immersive?
Common Mistakes Made By Beginners
Some common mistakes with passive voice in fiction are as follows:
1. Overusing of Passive Voice
Excessive use of the passive voice slows down and makes your writing dull. Active voice should be your primary voice.
2. Hiding Important Information
The subject is often omitted or concealed in passive voice. For example, “Mistakes were made.” This sentence hides who done it. Ask, “Who made them?”
3. Weaknesses Action Scenes.
For example, “The enemy was defeated.” The action here seems a bit weak and unclear because it doesn’t show who defeated the enemy, so the sentence is unclear and weak.
It sounds good like this, “The hero defeated the enemy.”
4. The Passive Voice without Purpose.
Unless you are doing it on purpose, it is likely to weaken your story. As a rule, you always have to ask, Why am I using this?
5. Confusing Passive Voice with Good Style
Some authors believe that passive voice is more “formal” or “professional” but the fictional story requires special elements to build its emotional effect which helps readers understand its plot. The sentence becomes difficult to read if it uses passive voice which create a formal distance between the author and the reader.
FAQ (People Also Ask)
Quick Editing Checklist
Check this after you complete your first draft,
- Find was/were + verb.
- Ask, Who is doing it.
- Rewrite where it is weak.
- Retain it when it provides point (mystery, tone, focus).
Final thought
In fiction passive voice is not an enemy, but it’s a tool.
Use active voice for when to focus on
- clarity
- strong action
- engaging storytelling
Use passive voice for, when you have to create a
- mystery
- emotional tone
- shifting focus
The aim is to strike the proper balance. Your task at the end of the day is to ensure that your writing becomes easy to read, interesting and easy to follow by the reader.
Such little tweaks will bring your writing to a point of sharpness, clarity, and vibrancy, and you can feel the difference immediately. You will, naturally, develop into hearing what is sound. Continue writing, continue editing and there is no need to be afraid to experiment because that is how strong, engaging stories are created.
Know more on Beginner Writing Mistakes to Avoid to avoid in your first book of fiction and Turn your ideas into a story know How to Start Writing a Book
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