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April 15, 2026Passive Voice in Fiction: Simple Examples & Fixes
Have you ever had the experience that your writing is dull or unclear and you do not know why? The reason is that most beginner writers end up using passive voice in their writing without realising it.
Here is the short answer: Passive voice is not always bad. However, when used excessively, it can make your writing sound weak, sluggish, and dull. In most cases, the active voice is better as it is clear and direct. However, passive voice is useful in some situations, such as when you want to create mystery or focus on the result of an action.
Beginners tend to opt for the passive voice more because they imagine it is safer or more formal, but in storytelling, this often reduces the power of the impact of storytelling. Knowing when to avoid passive voice and when to use it will automatically make your storytelling stronger.
In brief, the active voice ought to be used as it is more vivid and the passive voice can only be used when there is a purpose.
What does it mean?
Let's look at a simple difference. In passive voice, the subject receives the action. The same example will be expressed as follows, “The necklace was stolen by the thief.”
In the Active voice, the action is done by the subject, i.e. the subject does the action. As an example, “The thief stole the necklace.”
See the difference?
In active voice, the writing is clear and direct. In passive voice, it is more indirect and not always as clear.
Simple rule: Passive voice often follows this pattern: subject + was/were + past participle.
An easy trick to spot passive voice is to add 'by someone' at the end of the sentence. And, assuming it still makes a clear sentence, it is probably passive voice.
For example, 'The door was opened.' Add 'by someone' to the end. If it still makes sense, the sentence is probably passive.
Active voice in fiction tends to be more powerful as the reader feel close to what’s happening in real time.
When we use passive voice, it creates a distance between the reader and the story which is known as narrative distance. It can make scenes feel more distant to the reader, yet it also works well in scenes that require reflection or deep emotion. Passive voice is not necessarily bad. It’s just a tool. The secret is knowing when to use it. You can also learn more in our guide on Common Grammar Mistakes Fiction Writers Make.
How to avoid passive voice in fiction (step by step guide to beginner writers)
To help you decide when to use passive voice in fiction, follow these simple steps,
Step 1: Determine Passive Voice in your Writing.
Identify sentences that include words such as “was”, “were”, “is”, “been” and a past participle (such as taken, written, broken).
For example, “The door was opened.”
Important note: Not all sentences containing “was” are passive. Check whether the subject is doing the action.
Let’s consider another example, “She was tired” is not passive as they are not describe an action but rather a state.
Step 2: Ask: Who is performing the action?
If you cannot clearly identify who is performing the action, the sentence is likely to be passive.
Ask yourself, “Who opened the door?” If you are able to answer that, then you can fix it.
Step 3: Rewrite in Active Voice
Rewrite the sentence so the subject performs the action.
For example, “Ravi opened the door.”
Now your sentence is easier and more understandable.
Step 4: Determine whether passive voice is more effective.
In some situations, passive voice is the better choice. When passive voice is to be used, ask yourself,
- Do I want to hide who did it?
- Do I want to focus on the result instead of the action?
- Does it better fit the mood or tone of the scene?
If yes, keep it.
Don't rewrite every sentence into active voice. Doing so makes your sentence awkward, unnatural or less impactful. In such cases the passive voice is better to retain.
When making a conscious decision, it works. Otherwise, it is likely to weaken the sentence.
Step 5: Read Aloud.
This is one of the simplest ways to improve your fiction writing. In case the sentence is weak or flat, rephrase it in the active voice, and in case it is strong and natural, keep your passive voice.
Pro Tip: Most fiction—around 80–90%—works best in active voice. Look at the popular fiction out there, and look what makes it strong, it heavily depends on the active voice, especially in dialogue or action scenes.
Examples/Mini Tips
To better understand passive voice in fiction, let's look at some simple examples.
Example 1: Weak vs Strong Writing
Let’s consider a passive voice sentence, “The window was smashed up in the night.”
Now the active version: 'Somebody broke the window.'
Notice how the active version creates more tension and feels more immediate.
Example 2: Passive Voice Works.
Now see when passive voice works, “The corpse was found in the morning.”
This works because it focuses on the discovery of the body rather than on the person who found it. This creates mystery.
So, when you wish to introduce or provide the suspense, use passive voice.
Example 3: Emotional Tone
In some emotional situations, passive voice can work better. 'She was ignored.' focuses on her emotional experience. Compare it with the active version.
'They ignored her.' shifts the focus to the people doing the action instead.
Note: Passive voice can make a scene feel more emotional or more distant, depending on how it is used.
Now, watch your passive voice usage as excessive passive voice will take the emotion out of the scene and make it seem like a distant thing.
Example (Before vs After) at the paragraph level.
Let’s see a passive heavy paragraph.
“The door was opened slowly. The room was filled with silence. The lights were turned on.”
Now let’s convert into active, “He opened the door slowly. Silence filled the room. He turned on the lights.”
Can you feel how the active version is more immediate and immersive?
Common Mistakes Made By Beginners
Some common mistakes with passive voice in fiction are as follows:
1. Overusing of Passive Voice
Excessive use of the passive voice slows down and makes your writing dull. Active voice should be your primary voice.
2. Hiding Important Information
Passive voice often leaves out or hides who performed the action. For example, “Mistakes were made.” This sentence hides who did it. Ask, “Who made them?”
3. Weak Action Scenes.
For example, “The enemy was defeated.” The action here seems a bit weak and unclear because it doesn’t show who defeated the enemy, so the sentence is unclear and weak.
It sounds good like this, “The hero defeated the enemy.”
4. The Passive Voice without Purpose.
Unless you are doing it on purpose, it is likely to weaken your story. As a rule, you always have to ask, Why am I using this?
5. Confusing Passive Voice with Good Style
Some writers believe passive voice sounds more formal or professional, but fiction usually benefits from a more direct style that helps readers connect with the story. The sentence becomes difficult to read if it uses passive voice which create a formal distance between the author and the reader.
FAQ (People Also Ask)
Quick Editing Checklist
Check this after you complete your first draft,
- Find was/were + verb.
- Ask, Who is doing it.
- Rewrite where it is weak.
- Keep it when it serves a purpose (mystery, tone, or focus).
Final thought
In fiction passive voice is not an enemy, but it’s a tool.
Use active voice when you want to focus on
- clarity
- strong action
- engaging storytelling
Use passive voice when you want to create
- mystery
- emotional tone
- shifting focus
The aim is to strike the proper balance. Your task at the end of the day is to ensure that your writing becomes easy to read, interesting and easy to follow by the reader.
Such little tweaks will bring your writing to a point of sharpness, clarity, and vibrancy, and you can feel the difference immediately. Over time, you'll naturally develop an ear for what sounds right. Continue writing, continue editing and there is no need to be afraid to experiment because that is how strong, engaging stories are created.
Learn more in 'Beginner Writing Mistakes to Avoid' and 'How to Start Writing a Book' to continue improving your fiction writing.
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